Events vs. Non-events

It's easier for us to recall events than it is for us to recall non-events. Sounds like a no-brainer, doesn't it? But this simple fact has far-reaching implications.

Every day consists of many "non-events" punctuated by a few "events." Here's what I mean. Let's say that one day, a student lost his temper, threw his books down and stormed out of class. That same day a parent sent you an angry email claiming his daughter definitely turned in an assignment but you forgot to put it into her grade and then blamed you for his daughter's F in your class. Then you got notification that there wasn't enough money in the account to purchase the new supplies you were hoping for. As you drive home, you are likely to think about how bad the day was. However, there were three "events" that happened during an otherwise normal day full of non-events. As it happens, the non-events were likely quite positive. If you teach 30 students per class for six class periods, then 180 students pass through your door each day. The vast majority of those students probably worked on the assignment you gave. (Yes, a few probably didn't work at all, but these would be a few "events" amidst a host of other "nonevents.") The majority of students were quiet while you explained some instructions. They (mostly) arrived on time and waited to leave until the bell rang. They went to and from classes without much of a fuss all day long. These are all examples of "non-events" and every day is full of them. The problem is, it often takes only one bad "event" to make us feel like a day didn't go well.

It's easier for us to recall "events" than "non-events." Our brains zero in on abnormalities and we have a hard time shaking them. Continuing with the above example, the main danger here is that we will focus on a few negative things and therefore adopt a pessimistic outlook. In a previous post we saw how damaging pessimism is.

The good news is this: now that you know how your mind unconsciously focuses on "events" you can turn some of the positive "non-events" into events and then focus on them. A student got irrationally upset and stormed out of class--take a minute and realize that none of the other students did that! In fact, the other students thought he was irrational too! Rather than stewing on the three students in 5th period who refused to do any work, maybe you can remember and focus on the 27 who worked fairly well for most of the time. Instead of dwelling on the angry parent's email, maybe think about the 179 parents who didn't send you an email rant. If we practice not letting a few events spoil our day, then our minds will create more accurate representations of what has happened. Those accurate representations are going to be less negative than the few "events" would have suggested. The result? We will feel more optimistic. And our feelings will be conveyed to our students. They will feel the positive energy emanating from us. They will feel safe. They will feel like you enjoy them. Then they will perform better for you. And you'll feel better about your days and the whole thing will snowball and you'll be more magnetic.

But it's your choice. Will you let a few "events" spoil your otherwise "non-event" day?

Projecting Ourselves to Students

What if you could predict the outcome of business negotiations and business plan pitches with 90% accuracy? If you had such an ability you might be able to make some money in the stock market. Researchers at MIT have discovered how to do it and their accuracy is 87%!

The secret?

Watch the body language of people pitching their plans. That's it. You don't even need to listen to a single word they say! Without hearing a single word, researchers watched the body language of the pitchmen and predicted with astounding accuracy whether they would succeed or fail.

Now, how do we project "magnetic" body language? How do we increase our personal charisma? How do we come across as more competent, caring, and trustworthy to our students?

These are the million dollar questions. Teachers who master magnetic body language have an incredibly easier time managing their classes. Their students are more productive. They simply enjoy their jobs more. And they are rated as more highly effective by their superiors.

Our bodies send off thousands of signals automatically and there are far too many signals to consciously control. Wait a minute! If I can't consciously control my body language, what's the point in reading this article? :-)

Here's the point: body language automatically broadcasts our inner mental state. If your inner mental state is frustration at the bureaucracy surrounding education, disgust over the dismal home life of your students, shock at obnoxious behaviors of students, etc, etc, etc... No matter how real the issues or how accurate your perceptions (many students' home life is truly sad and destructive!)--if those things dominate your inner mental state then you will broadcast your inner dissonance to all your students. It's guaranteed.

Even if you control your main expressions--force a smile, hold your arms in a relaxed way, etc--you still can't help but broadcast your inner mental state.

If there's a group of students that you "just endure" until the day or class period is over, you'll signal unconsciously. If you put on a smile while you "endure" then your smile "won't reach your eyes." Your smile won't appear genuine. And your students will know.

So... What to do?

You have got to find a way to think more positively, to look on the bright side. It's possible, but it will take work. Your mind will believe whatever story you tell it and will broadcast to everyone your inner mental state accordingly.

Have you ever found your heart beating rapidly during an exciting or scary movie? You know that what you see on the screen isn't actually happening, but your mind treats it as real and you experience very real physiological reactions. Your brain can't distinguish fact from fiction. This is true not only regarding movies but regarding body language. If you put a positive spin on your inner frustrations, your body will respond and your body language--thousands of tiny signals--will broadcast optimism, confidence, and compassion to those around you.

For some reason, some people prefer to dwell on the negative. They enjoy murmuring about the policies that make teaching difficult--and there's plenty of those to chat about! They prefer to complain and bicker about problem students--again, lots of difficult children out there! Instead, if they would channel their feelings and put a different spin on it their personal magnetism would automatically increase and their problems will actually decrease.

I have had difficult students, several famous throughout the entire school. In the lounge if a teacher said, "I have _____ in class," all the other teachers would respond with rolling eyes and groans. Everyone knows which kids are the most difficult. I've had students like that over and over again. The funny thing is, those kids aren't problematic in my classes. I haven't had to send a student to the principal for behavioral issues in more than 15 years. And the reason isn't because we have a school full of angels.

Well, this post is getting a little long. Hopefully I've convinced you to try to put positive spins on your situation. I hope that in doing so, the thousands of unconscious signals that you broadcast to others will change for the better. And as a result, you'll have more genuinely positive things occur in your career. Those things will increase your positive body language, and the "snowball effect" will keep on going. The toughest part about making a snow ball is getting it started! :-)

How a Pencil Can Change Your Mind

When you looked at the Far Side cartoon above, you developed an opinion about how funny it was. How do you decide how funny something is?

Surprisingly, your opinion of the cartoon would be radically affected if you happened to be holding a pencil...in your mouth.

In his book, Thinking: Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman describes a study in which participants were asked to hold a pencil in their mouths. Some were asked to hold the pencil sideways--a pencil in this position mimics a smile. Others were asked to hold a pencil by the eraser end--the person's mouth makes an "O" around the pencil, similar to a sad expression.

Would you believe that the people who held the pencil sideways, mimicking a smile, on average rated the cartoons as funnier than those who made an "O." Let that sink in. The implications are that your facial expression--even if it is "forced" by a pencil--will affect your emotional state and the judgements you make.

Here's another shocking study. People were given a set of headphones and told that they were helping the company test the quality of wiring. While moving their heads, the volunteers were told to listen to a man speaking and to determine if their head movement caused static in the headphones. Some participants were told to move their head up and down in a nodding motion. Others were told to shake their heads from side to side as they listened. Afterward, the participants were given surveys about their impressions of the man speaking in their headphones. They were asked to rate how pleasant the man sounded and how much they liked his message.

The experimenters weren't actually evaluating the quality of wiring in headphones. Rather, they wanted to know if head movement can affect peoples' perceptions. By now you might be able to guess the results. The volunteers who nodded while listening to the speaker found the man's voice to be more pleasant and they gave what he said a more favorable rating. Those who shook their head while listening rated the man more negatively.

We like to think that we objectively form and shape the opinions we hold, but that's simply not true. By holding a pencil in our mouths or by moving our head a certain way we can change our own perceptions of the world. Our body language not only affects the way others perceive us, but it also affects the way we perceive the world around us. Forcing a smile will make a big difference in how you perceive your circumstances. Being pleasant even when you don't feel like it is the first step in actually feeling pleasant. Make sense?

This partly explains why humor is so effective in the classroom. If students are smiling while you speak to them, they are more receptive to what you say. Even a pleasant expression on their faces will yield more receptivity to the lesson.

As you read about the preceding studies it is tempting to think that these findings apply to others, but not to you personally. However, these findings have been rigorously established numerous times and it's a good idea to realize that you aren't the exception--your own facial expressions and body language will change your own perceptions.

So, how about adopting postures that lead to positive thinking? You'll enjoy your day more and your students will too!

Don't Judge???

"Don't judge me!" This is a really nice sentiment, and I almost hate to burst anyone's bubble but... it's technically not possible.

When they say, "don't judge," I think what people actually mean is something more like this: "OK, so you have judged that I'm different than you, that I didn't do what you would have done in a given situation, that I don't look like you, etc. Now that you've judged thus, please treat me nicely." Maybe that's what they mean. Truly, we should endeavor to show love and mercy and compassion to everyone we meet. We need to be kind and considerate. Let's try not to look down on people who are "different"...

But we WILL notice they are different.

Won't we?

"Jill walked up to the bank."

That sentence popped up out of nowhere.  "Jill walked up to the bank." Picture the scene for just a few seconds.  Do you see how effortlessly your mind filled in the details for you.  You know almost nothing about what Jill was actually doing.  And yet, you in your mind you believe that you have a reasonably accurate representation of what Jill was doing.

Maybe you pictured a woman with a wad of cash or a check that needed cashing?  Perhaps you pictured a large brick building that she was walking toward.  Maybe it was a building with lots of large glass windows.  Did you see the parking lot in your mind's eye?

Perhaps some context would convince you that you were likely very mistaken about what Jill was doing. What if the previous sentence had mentioned something about Jill jumping out of her canoe and wading in the water while pulling her canoe behind her?  Suddenly, "Jill walked up to the bank," has a very different meaning. But before you knew about her canoe you were quite confident that you knew exactly what Jill was doing.

But your judgement about Jill was wrong.

My point is not that we are apt to make wrong judgments, but that we will in fact judge. If some pieces of our knowledge are lacking our minds will effortlessly and automatically fill in our gaps so that we construct a picture of the world that makes sense to us. It may not be correct, but we will construct it. The very act of constructing such a picture of your world involves making judgments.

Here's another staggering example. The following video is from an experiment conducted in 1944. It's only a minute long:

Most people find themselves "judging" the shapes. Some people find the larger triangle to be "aggressive" and the circle to be "timid." But they are just shapes?!?! Still, most people will assign all kinds of attributes, actions, and even motivations to mere shapes. "The large triangle was trying to___!" But in reality, the triangle wasn't "trying" to do anything.

Again, the point is that judgments happen. They are automatic. Rather than "don't judge" maybe we should think about how to be more careful with the judgments that we will automatically make.

The moment you step in front of a class you are being judged, assessed. And you are assessing your students as well. Realizing how quickly we make judgments has helped me recognize and admit that I judge some students to be quite "different" from myself. But because I know that I'm apt to make judgments about mere lifeless shapes I'm able to behave in such a way that my belief or judgment doesn't hinder my interactions with students. Ultimately, what I think I know is likely full of holes but my mind filled in the holes for me and I don't even realize it. Realizing the truth of my hole-filled, mind-constructed theories has helped me live more compassionately in the classroom and I hope it will help you too!

The examples in this article are discussed in detail in the very good book, Thinking Fast and Slow.

According to the book from MIT Press, Honest Signals: How They Shape Our World, the MIT Media Lab determined that they could predict the outcomes of important business negotiations with astounding accuracy. When watching people pitch their business plans in person or even over the telephone the MIT Media Lab correctly predicted the outcome of negotiations 87% of the time!

87% accuracy!

Now here's the amazing part: They were watching videotapes of the people with the sound muted! They didn't listen to a word any of the people said and they predicted the outcomes of business negotiations with 87% accuracy! And even over the phone, peoples' body language revealed volumes about their confidence, their attitudes, and to what degree they appreciated the person on the other end of the phone call. It affected their tone of voice and it accurately signaled to anyone watching what would happen at the end of the phone call 87% of the time.

As teachers, what if the MIT Media Lab watched one of our classes on video with the sound muted? What would our body language say about us? Would it be obvious that we are thrilled to be teaching? Would it be obvious that we enjoyed our students?

Body language betrays how we feel. As I tried to convey in the post from last Friday, we can change our body language dramatically by changing our "insides". If we change our attitudes and our feelings to make them more positive, it will automatically communicate a body language that is more engaging and warm toward our students.

Try it? :-)

The Social (aka "Fake") Smile

Unfortunately, we've all had the experience. While shaking hands with an acquaintance who was smiling broadly, we probably were smiling back. But the smiles weren't of the same quality as those we may exchange with a spouse or a close friend.

Have you ever noticed how obviously fake some children's smiles are when they get their picture taken. "Smiiiile! Say cheeeeeese!" Their smiles are often hilariously fake.

Perhaps calling them "fake" smiles is too harsh, but at the very least the smiles are deliberate social devices. When we are smiling at some people in some social situations our smiles don't reach our eyes. They aren't as... warm.

With genuine, warm smiles the corners of our mouth will lift and the inner corners of our eyebrows will soften and lower slightly. If someone is doing a "social" smile only the corners of the mouth will lift.  Here's the point: a smile worn because it is socially expected is vastly different than a smile brought about by genuine happiness.

And people can tell the difference.

Facial expressions and body language in general are much more complex than the simple example above, but there is an important point. Genuine expressions of face and body must originate in the mind. We can't fake it. If we try to fake it, other people will know.

If we try to "be pleasant" and "smile" in front of our students when we aren't actually happy to see them, then they will know. If we can't wait for the weekend, they'll know. Whatever we believe deep inside will show itself in some form or another and it will likely be obvious to others we interact with. That can be scary.

Or that can be the key to becoming a more magnetic teacher.

Attempting to micromanage dozens (hundreds?) of body language signals is literally impossible. Your subconscious controls most of your body language and trying to deliberately adjust your eye muscles, lips, shoulders, hands, and legs would never work. The good news: if you will change your inside, then the outside will follow. If you will truthfully enjoy your students and your job, then your body language--the hundreds of microexpressions--will trumpet warmth and energy to your students.

Your students know how much you enjoy your job and how much you enjoy them. It is a rare teacher who can offer correction to a young person while fully enjoying that young person. If you can do that, then your student will see your acceptance and warmth and love even while you correct them.

And then they'll likely listen to you and respect you.

Learned Optimism

I've been reading a book, "Learned Optimism," by Martin Seligman, who was president of the American Psychiatric Association in the 1990's. The following thoughts were stimulated by that book.

Those who know me well often refer to me as very optimistic. Sometimes people have told me that I'm not "realistic" because I'm always seeing the positive side of everything. Well, I took a diagnostic test in the book and according to the test, my level of optimism is about average. At first, I explained to myself how the test misdiagnosed me and that psychological tests can't be trusted anyway. But then I read more of the book and found genuine ways that I could increase my optimism (in a realistic way) and become a better, more magnetic, teacher in the process.

I'm going to make a bold claim. As teachers, we must be optimistic in all of our dealings with students and colleagues. Being optimistic will make you more magnetic, more charismatic, more attractive. Guaranteed.

And you'll enjoy life more. Research claims you'll even be healthier and live longer.

True or False: You're either optimistic or pessimistic and there's not much you can do to change it.

False.

Both optimism or pessimism are learned traits that involve how you explain to yourself the events that transpire in your life. And you can unlearn either one. I suggest unlearning pessimism and learning optimism. :-)

Here's an example of how every single person looks for and sometimes even invents reasons for why things happen to them. If you've been feeling run down lately, you will explain it to yourself. You will find a reason for it. Perhaps it will be a fleeting thought like, "I never get a chance to relax." Or maybe you'll think, "I was exceptionally busy this week." The first explanation is pessimistic because it implies a sense of permanence: "I NEVER get a chance to relax." The second explanation is optimistic because it limits the negative experience of feeling run down to an exceptionally busy week. Do you see the difference? Sometimes it is subtle.

Here's an example of how our "explanatory style" (our habits of how we explain events to ourselves) affects others around us: A woman and her daughter come out of the grocery store and the mother sees a small dent on her car door. She immediately recalls that her husband has asked her to park the new car farther from the store to avoid other cars. The woman says out loud, "Things like this always happen to me! I just want to carry the groceries a few feet, not 100 yards!" Her daughter hears her and learns how the world works. The daughter learns how to explain things for herself and becomes more pessimistic.

What was soooooo pessimistic about the mother's explanatory style? The mother said "things like this" which means that many things, not just the door ding, happen to her. And she said the word "always" which is not true. Bad things do not "always" happen to anyone. The mother took a single bad event and made herself believe that many bad events "always" happen to her! She became more pessimistic and in the process, according to research, weakened her immune system and set herself up to enjoy life less.

And she taught her daughter to interpret life's events the same way.

As I'm sure you're well aware, teachers are not immune to the effects of pessimism. If you're pessimistic you aren't as much fun to be around. And you spread gloom to others. Many people don't realize the degree to which they are pessimistic.

Optimistic way of explaining the world: Bad events are temporary and specific instead of widespread or pervasive. Bad things are not internal (or personal); they are external. Good things are long-lasting, personal and pervasive.

1. "I'm a lucky person" is optimistic because it explains a good thing as a long-lasting, pervasive trait that may apply to other events.
2. "You nag at me when I _____" is optimistic because it explains an unpleasant event (nagging) as a temporary, specific situation.
3. "This book is useless" is optimistic because it explains a negative thing (disliked book) as an isolated event. Only one book was useless.

Pessimistic way of explaining the world: Bad events are long-lasting and pervasive, or widespread. They are internal (personal). Good events are temporary and very specific.

1. "It's my lucky day" is pessimistic because it explains a good event as very temporary and isolated. You're only lucky today.
2. "You always nag" is pessimistic because it explains one negative event (someone nags at you) as something that is pervasive and long-lasting.
3. "Books are useless" is pessimistic because it generalizes one negative experience (a disliked book) as something that is always true.

Compare the 1's, 2's, and 3's above. Both bad events and good events can be explained to yourself in a positive or negative light. Perhaps you think that your "inner dialogue" doesn't matter? Maybe you think that the above is all about unimportant word choices? Research indicates otherwise. :-)

Good news: optimism can be learned! And it doesn't involve inventing cute phrases to repeat to yourself. It doesn't involve disconnecting from reality. If you feel like becoming more magnetic and charismatic, I recommend checking out Seligman's worthwhile book, "Learned Optimism."