"Don't judge me!" This is a really nice sentiment, and I almost hate to burst anyone's bubble but... it's technically not possible.
When they say, "don't judge," I think what people actually mean is something more like this: "OK, so you have judged that I'm different than you, that I didn't do what you would have done in a given situation, that I don't look like you, etc. Now that you've judged thus, please treat me nicely." Maybe that's what they mean. Truly, we should endeavor to show love and mercy and compassion to everyone we meet. We need to be kind and considerate. Let's try not to look down on people who are "different"...
But we WILL notice they are different.
Won't we?
"Jill walked up to the bank."
That sentence popped up out of nowhere. "Jill walked up to the bank." Picture the scene for just a few seconds. Do you see how effortlessly your mind filled in the details for you. You know almost nothing about what Jill was actually doing. And yet, you in your mind you believe that you have a reasonably accurate representation of what Jill was doing.
Maybe you pictured a woman with a wad of cash or a check that needed cashing? Perhaps you pictured a large brick building that she was walking toward. Maybe it was a building with lots of large glass windows. Did you see the parking lot in your mind's eye?
Perhaps some context would convince you that you were likely very mistaken about what Jill was doing. What if the previous sentence had mentioned something about Jill jumping out of her canoe and wading in the water while pulling her canoe behind her? Suddenly, "Jill walked up to the bank," has a very different meaning. But before you knew about her canoe you were quite confident that you knew exactly what Jill was doing.
But your judgement about Jill was wrong.
My point is not that we are apt to make wrong judgments, but that we will in fact judge. If some pieces of our knowledge are lacking our minds will effortlessly and automatically fill in our gaps so that we construct a picture of the world that makes sense to us. It may not be correct, but we will construct it. The very act of constructing such a picture of your world involves making judgments.
Here's another staggering example. The following video is from an experiment conducted in 1944. It's only a minute long:
Most people find themselves "judging" the shapes. Some people find the larger triangle to be "aggressive" and the circle to be "timid." But they are just shapes?!?! Still, most people will assign all kinds of attributes, actions, and even motivations to mere shapes. "The large triangle was trying to___!" But in reality, the triangle wasn't "trying" to do anything.
Again, the point is that judgments happen. They are automatic. Rather than "don't judge" maybe we should think about how to be more careful with the judgments that we will automatically make.
The moment you step in front of a class you are being judged, assessed. And you are assessing your students as well. Realizing how quickly we make judgments has helped me recognize and admit that I judge some students to be quite "different" from myself. But because I know that I'm apt to make judgments about mere lifeless shapes I'm able to behave in such a way that my belief or judgment doesn't hinder my interactions with students. Ultimately, what I think I know is likely full of holes but my mind filled in the holes for me and I don't even realize it. Realizing the truth of my hole-filled, mind-constructed theories has helped me live more compassionately in the classroom and I hope it will help you too!
The examples in this article are discussed in detail in the very good book, Thinking Fast and Slow.
