Don't Judge???

"Don't judge me!" This is a really nice sentiment, and I almost hate to burst anyone's bubble but... it's technically not possible.

When they say, "don't judge," I think what people actually mean is something more like this: "OK, so you have judged that I'm different than you, that I didn't do what you would have done in a given situation, that I don't look like you, etc. Now that you've judged thus, please treat me nicely." Maybe that's what they mean. Truly, we should endeavor to show love and mercy and compassion to everyone we meet. We need to be kind and considerate. Let's try not to look down on people who are "different"...

But we WILL notice they are different.

Won't we?

"Jill walked up to the bank."

That sentence popped up out of nowhere.  "Jill walked up to the bank." Picture the scene for just a few seconds.  Do you see how effortlessly your mind filled in the details for you.  You know almost nothing about what Jill was actually doing.  And yet, you in your mind you believe that you have a reasonably accurate representation of what Jill was doing.

Maybe you pictured a woman with a wad of cash or a check that needed cashing?  Perhaps you pictured a large brick building that she was walking toward.  Maybe it was a building with lots of large glass windows.  Did you see the parking lot in your mind's eye?

Perhaps some context would convince you that you were likely very mistaken about what Jill was doing. What if the previous sentence had mentioned something about Jill jumping out of her canoe and wading in the water while pulling her canoe behind her?  Suddenly, "Jill walked up to the bank," has a very different meaning. But before you knew about her canoe you were quite confident that you knew exactly what Jill was doing.

But your judgement about Jill was wrong.

My point is not that we are apt to make wrong judgments, but that we will in fact judge. If some pieces of our knowledge are lacking our minds will effortlessly and automatically fill in our gaps so that we construct a picture of the world that makes sense to us. It may not be correct, but we will construct it. The very act of constructing such a picture of your world involves making judgments.

Here's another staggering example. The following video is from an experiment conducted in 1944. It's only a minute long:

Most people find themselves "judging" the shapes. Some people find the larger triangle to be "aggressive" and the circle to be "timid." But they are just shapes?!?! Still, most people will assign all kinds of attributes, actions, and even motivations to mere shapes. "The large triangle was trying to___!" But in reality, the triangle wasn't "trying" to do anything.

Again, the point is that judgments happen. They are automatic. Rather than "don't judge" maybe we should think about how to be more careful with the judgments that we will automatically make.

The moment you step in front of a class you are being judged, assessed. And you are assessing your students as well. Realizing how quickly we make judgments has helped me recognize and admit that I judge some students to be quite "different" from myself. But because I know that I'm apt to make judgments about mere lifeless shapes I'm able to behave in such a way that my belief or judgment doesn't hinder my interactions with students. Ultimately, what I think I know is likely full of holes but my mind filled in the holes for me and I don't even realize it. Realizing the truth of my hole-filled, mind-constructed theories has helped me live more compassionately in the classroom and I hope it will help you too!

The examples in this article are discussed in detail in the very good book, Thinking Fast and Slow.

According to the book from MIT Press, Honest Signals: How They Shape Our World, the MIT Media Lab determined that they could predict the outcomes of important business negotiations with astounding accuracy. When watching people pitch their business plans in person or even over the telephone the MIT Media Lab correctly predicted the outcome of negotiations 87% of the time!

87% accuracy!

Now here's the amazing part: They were watching videotapes of the people with the sound muted! They didn't listen to a word any of the people said and they predicted the outcomes of business negotiations with 87% accuracy! And even over the phone, peoples' body language revealed volumes about their confidence, their attitudes, and to what degree they appreciated the person on the other end of the phone call. It affected their tone of voice and it accurately signaled to anyone watching what would happen at the end of the phone call 87% of the time.

As teachers, what if the MIT Media Lab watched one of our classes on video with the sound muted? What would our body language say about us? Would it be obvious that we are thrilled to be teaching? Would it be obvious that we enjoyed our students?

Body language betrays how we feel. As I tried to convey in the post from last Friday, we can change our body language dramatically by changing our "insides". If we change our attitudes and our feelings to make them more positive, it will automatically communicate a body language that is more engaging and warm toward our students.

Try it? :-)

The Social (aka "Fake") Smile

Unfortunately, we've all had the experience. While shaking hands with an acquaintance who was smiling broadly, we probably were smiling back. But the smiles weren't of the same quality as those we may exchange with a spouse or a close friend.

Have you ever noticed how obviously fake some children's smiles are when they get their picture taken. "Smiiiile! Say cheeeeeese!" Their smiles are often hilariously fake.

Perhaps calling them "fake" smiles is too harsh, but at the very least the smiles are deliberate social devices. When we are smiling at some people in some social situations our smiles don't reach our eyes. They aren't as... warm.

With genuine, warm smiles the corners of our mouth will lift and the inner corners of our eyebrows will soften and lower slightly. If someone is doing a "social" smile only the corners of the mouth will lift.  Here's the point: a smile worn because it is socially expected is vastly different than a smile brought about by genuine happiness.

And people can tell the difference.

Facial expressions and body language in general are much more complex than the simple example above, but there is an important point. Genuine expressions of face and body must originate in the mind. We can't fake it. If we try to fake it, other people will know.

If we try to "be pleasant" and "smile" in front of our students when we aren't actually happy to see them, then they will know. If we can't wait for the weekend, they'll know. Whatever we believe deep inside will show itself in some form or another and it will likely be obvious to others we interact with. That can be scary.

Or that can be the key to becoming a more magnetic teacher.

Attempting to micromanage dozens (hundreds?) of body language signals is literally impossible. Your subconscious controls most of your body language and trying to deliberately adjust your eye muscles, lips, shoulders, hands, and legs would never work. The good news: if you will change your inside, then the outside will follow. If you will truthfully enjoy your students and your job, then your body language--the hundreds of microexpressions--will trumpet warmth and energy to your students.

Your students know how much you enjoy your job and how much you enjoy them. It is a rare teacher who can offer correction to a young person while fully enjoying that young person. If you can do that, then your student will see your acceptance and warmth and love even while you correct them.

And then they'll likely listen to you and respect you.

Learned Optimism

I've been reading a book, "Learned Optimism," by Martin Seligman, who was president of the American Psychiatric Association in the 1990's. The following thoughts were stimulated by that book.

Those who know me well often refer to me as very optimistic. Sometimes people have told me that I'm not "realistic" because I'm always seeing the positive side of everything. Well, I took a diagnostic test in the book and according to the test, my level of optimism is about average. At first, I explained to myself how the test misdiagnosed me and that psychological tests can't be trusted anyway. But then I read more of the book and found genuine ways that I could increase my optimism (in a realistic way) and become a better, more magnetic, teacher in the process.

I'm going to make a bold claim. As teachers, we must be optimistic in all of our dealings with students and colleagues. Being optimistic will make you more magnetic, more charismatic, more attractive. Guaranteed.

And you'll enjoy life more. Research claims you'll even be healthier and live longer.

True or False: You're either optimistic or pessimistic and there's not much you can do to change it.

False.

Both optimism or pessimism are learned traits that involve how you explain to yourself the events that transpire in your life. And you can unlearn either one. I suggest unlearning pessimism and learning optimism. :-)

Here's an example of how every single person looks for and sometimes even invents reasons for why things happen to them. If you've been feeling run down lately, you will explain it to yourself. You will find a reason for it. Perhaps it will be a fleeting thought like, "I never get a chance to relax." Or maybe you'll think, "I was exceptionally busy this week." The first explanation is pessimistic because it implies a sense of permanence: "I NEVER get a chance to relax." The second explanation is optimistic because it limits the negative experience of feeling run down to an exceptionally busy week. Do you see the difference? Sometimes it is subtle.

Here's an example of how our "explanatory style" (our habits of how we explain events to ourselves) affects others around us: A woman and her daughter come out of the grocery store and the mother sees a small dent on her car door. She immediately recalls that her husband has asked her to park the new car farther from the store to avoid other cars. The woman says out loud, "Things like this always happen to me! I just want to carry the groceries a few feet, not 100 yards!" Her daughter hears her and learns how the world works. The daughter learns how to explain things for herself and becomes more pessimistic.

What was soooooo pessimistic about the mother's explanatory style? The mother said "things like this" which means that many things, not just the door ding, happen to her. And she said the word "always" which is not true. Bad things do not "always" happen to anyone. The mother took a single bad event and made herself believe that many bad events "always" happen to her! She became more pessimistic and in the process, according to research, weakened her immune system and set herself up to enjoy life less.

And she taught her daughter to interpret life's events the same way.

As I'm sure you're well aware, teachers are not immune to the effects of pessimism. If you're pessimistic you aren't as much fun to be around. And you spread gloom to others. Many people don't realize the degree to which they are pessimistic.

Optimistic way of explaining the world: Bad events are temporary and specific instead of widespread or pervasive. Bad things are not internal (or personal); they are external. Good things are long-lasting, personal and pervasive.

1. "I'm a lucky person" is optimistic because it explains a good thing as a long-lasting, pervasive trait that may apply to other events.
2. "You nag at me when I _____" is optimistic because it explains an unpleasant event (nagging) as a temporary, specific situation.
3. "This book is useless" is optimistic because it explains a negative thing (disliked book) as an isolated event. Only one book was useless.

Pessimistic way of explaining the world: Bad events are long-lasting and pervasive, or widespread. They are internal (personal). Good events are temporary and very specific.

1. "It's my lucky day" is pessimistic because it explains a good event as very temporary and isolated. You're only lucky today.
2. "You always nag" is pessimistic because it explains one negative event (someone nags at you) as something that is pervasive and long-lasting.
3. "Books are useless" is pessimistic because it generalizes one negative experience (a disliked book) as something that is always true.

Compare the 1's, 2's, and 3's above. Both bad events and good events can be explained to yourself in a positive or negative light. Perhaps you think that your "inner dialogue" doesn't matter? Maybe you think that the above is all about unimportant word choices? Research indicates otherwise. :-)

Good news: optimism can be learned! And it doesn't involve inventing cute phrases to repeat to yourself. It doesn't involve disconnecting from reality. If you feel like becoming more magnetic and charismatic, I recommend checking out Seligman's worthwhile book, "Learned Optimism."

First Day of School

School is starting soon. In five days, I'll meet my new students. I'm not going to pass out a syllabus or go over classroom rules and procedures. Some teachers have to do that the first day, but I'm very happy to postpone all of that "boring" stuff to another day--some day less exciting than the first day! So, I usually start the year with some chemistry demonstrations. Here are a couple that I like to do on day #1:

Flammable Water

Of course, water isn't flammable, but I figure that my students need a "discrepant event" to get their brains going on day one. Before any students enter the room I place a few milliliters of Zippo liter fluid in an otherwise empty flask. After students arrive I'll ask the class if they think water is flammable. They'll wonder why their teacher asks such a ridiculous question. I'll then pick up the flask and turn on the faucet. (I have a sink at the front of the class; getting water directly out of the sink shows that I didn't do anything to the water--somehow they don't think much of the "empty" flask.) Since lighter fluid is less dense than water and since it doesn't mix with water, it will float to the top. I can then use my lighter to set the water on fire. If this year is like every other one, the students' eyebrows will all furrow and I'll have them right where I want them. Lots of directions it can go from there... :-)

Golden Rod Paper

The folks at Educational Innovations have some goldenrod colored paper that acts as an acid base indicator.  I take the golden paper and write a message to my students using a golden rod colored crayon. Usually before class I write something like "hi" and a smiley face. The message is invisible. Then I tape the paper to the white board at the front of the room and proudly announce to the class that I wrote them a little message. Students are perplexed since there is nothing apparent on the paper. Spraying (using a generic spray bottle from the dollar store) the paper with ammonia turns the paper red except where I wrote their message. Spraying again with vinegar changes the paper back to a golden color and makes the message invisible again.

If you're a chemistry teacher, hopefully those two demonstrations will give you a quick and easy way to get some students' attention.

En-Joy!

Spaghetti, Babies, and Classroom Management

Let's say you're at an Italian restaurant and you notice a small child several tables away who had...well...a little too much fun with his spaghetti. Picture the scene. If you're imagination isn't super vivid right now, take a look at the picture below.

How would you feel if, at an Italian restaurant, you saw a child like this covered in spaghetti? Many people would think such a sight is cute. In fact, judging from the number of spaghetti baby pictures I found online, a great number of people admire how creative a kid can be with pasta. Some observers might feel a little bit bad for the parents...but only slightly. How did you feel when you saw the picture? Did you smile...at least a little bit?

As a casual observer in the restaurant from several tables away it's easy to smile and even whisper under our breath to others at our table, "Those parents over there have quite the mess to clean!" If you said something like that you'd be smiling, wouldn't you? I know I would be.

Now imagine that YOU are the parent.

How do you feel? Your smile has now most likely been replaced by an expression of dismay. Instead of feeling "a little bit bad" for the parents, you are horrified.

Rather than thinking it's cute and snapping a picture to share with the online universe, the parents feel like shrinking into the corner. They apologize at least 8 times to the server. Mom and Dad hurriedly attempt to clean the mess while glancing left and right to see who else may be scrutinizing them.

It is a rare parent indeed who can feel only a "little bit bad" for themselves and keep smiling while they clean the mess. These rare parents don't have to "force" the smile. Instead, they genuinely believe their little guy with the pasta hair is indeed cute. Sure, they may wish deep down that he kept his bowl right-side up, but such a wish is wayyyyy deep down and it doesn't cloud their smiles or dampen the twinkle in their eyes. These all too uncommon parents don't take themselves too seriously. They realize that a quick Google image search would confirm that this sort of thing happens all the time.

So...what does this have to do with classroom management? Everything. If we as teachers could take ourselves less seriously and truly en-joy our students (even when they do something stupid) then our own stress levels will plummet and we may even find that our students do stupid stuff less often.

I've seen it too many times. Teachers get upset at their students and let them know that they're upset. Too often some of my students have said, "You don't ever yell at us like ____ and ____ and ___..." I'm shocked that some teachers actually yell at a class of students for doing poorly on a test. Some teachers show frustration when students don't work hard, when they try to do as little as possible, when they prefer to cram rather than really learn...and the list goes on.

Can we try to take ourselves a little less seriously? Please? If we can be more like an observer at a restaurant instead of a frantic self-focused parent, our students will see that we actually like them. When they know that we en-joy them, guess what happens. They'll do just about anything for us. They will work harder. It's common sense and research-proven.

So, how about it? Will we choose smile at our students while we clean up their self-made "spaghetti messes"? Let's put away the threats and the scowls and treat them like we wanted to be treated when we were in school... when we did stupid stuff :-)

Body Language Trumps Spoken Content

Usain Bolt Celebrates a Victory

Usain Bolt's body language is unmistakable. We know what it means: VICTORY! Did you know that even blind people know what that body language means? According to Amy Cuddy, blind children who have never seen another person do the "victory pose" will assume the pose when they are triumphant in something!!! (Watch Amy's TED talk here: http://goo.gl/tJn7S3)

The point: Body language is hard-wired into us. People will always use your body language to figure out what you really think about something. AND your body language betrays your true feelings.

What "message" do students get from how we carry ourselves, from our body language, from our tone of voice? Do they perceive that we are tired or that we really don't think they want to learn? (I know most students would rather be having "free time" than sitting in your class, but how we react to that fact--our facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, ect--matters a lot!

Body language trumps spoken content every time. It's true.

Dr. Albert Merhabian from UCLA studied presentation effectiveness and found that the effectiveness of our communication depends a mere 7% on the words we use. 7%! How comfortable and confident our voice sounds adds 38% to the effectiveness of our communication. A whopping 55% of the message we convey hinges on nonverbal things like appearance, posture, gestures, movement, eye contact, and facial expression.

How we carry ourselves matters. A University of Minnesota study concluded that we are 43% more persuasive if we stand instead of sit.

Here's a bold concluding statement... :-) Focusing on "content" and "PowerPoints" is a waste of time IF teachers don't care about how they present themselves to their students. 

(In a future post, I'll talk about how to fine tune body language...)

What Makes a Good Doctor?

"I went to a new doctor today," she told me. "I'm glad I switched to him. He's a really good doctor."

"Great!" I paused. "What made him seem like a good doctor?"

The woman's reasons weren't very complex. The doctor looked her in the eyes and had a nice smile. He took time to explain things to her and didn't seem like he was rushing on to the next patient. And he spoke with the woman as if she, too, were intelligent.

"Sometimes doctors talk to you like you don't know anything." She looked thoughtful. "He wasn't like that."

During that conversation, it struck me that none of the woman's reasons had anything to do with the skill of doctoring. None of her reasons conveyed the physician's expertise in medicine or his experience or credentials. Everything the woman mentioned had to do with the doctor's interpersonal skills.

He was friendly and, therefore, he was a good doctor!

A doctor's perceived friendliness even affects malpractice lawsuits! If you were to analyze a huge number of malpractice lawsuits, you would discover that there are highly skilled doctors that get sued a lot and mistake-laden doctors that rarely get sued!

---

In his book, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell writes about a researcher who analyzed communication skills of two groups of doctors. In one group were doctors who had never been sued. The 2nd group's doctors had been sued at least twice. The doctors who had never been sued spent an average of 18.3 minutes with each patient. The lawsuit-experienced physicians spent just 15 minutes. Those who had never been sued were better listeners and encouraged the patients to talk by saying things like, "Tell me more about that."

But it goes even further. Researchers took audio recordings of doctor-patient interactions and filtered out the content frequencies. After content-filtering, all the words sound like garble--you can't understand the words that are spoken. But you can still hear the tone of voice. A panel of judges rated 40-second clips of the garbled conversations for characteristics like warmth, hostility, anxiousness, and dominance. Based on a mere 40 seconds of garbled conversation, the researchers could accurately predict which doctors had been sued and which had not!

The implications for teachers are many. How we say things matters as much as what we say--maybe even more. The impressions we give off with our tone of voice impacts our students more than we can know.

Do you think we could evaluate teachers based on a 40-second clip of garbled communication with their students? What would we find?

Also in Blink we hear of research on college professors. Here's what Malcolm Gladwell writes, "The psychologist Nalini Ambady gave students three ten-second videotapes of a teacher--with the sound turned off--and found they had no difficulty at all coming up with a rating of the teacher's effectiveness. Then Ambady cut the clips back to five seconds, and the ratings were the same. They were remarkably consistent even when she showed the students just two seconds of videotape."

In those videotapes, there was no sound! Body language, in addition to our tone of voice, communicates volumes to our students. They get impressions of us before we open our mouths, before they open a book.

What can we take away from all this?

First, let's be more conscious about how we present ourselves to our students. Do they perceive that we care about them? Do they believe we enjoy teaching them? Would they think that we are "warm"? I'm not a doctor, so I'm not in danger of being sued. But how is my effectiveness as a teacher impacted by my tone of voice and body language?

Worth thinking about...